“You” Is A General Audience

I am trapped in side my own head.
With no way to tell you what’s going on.
I am tortured day and night.
Too scared to fall asleep.
Too upset to stay awake.
I’m nauseous.
I can’t seem to get enough air.
Everything is closing in on me.
It gets worse as the days inch closer.
As if my body just knows.
And yet I’m still two and a half weeks away.
I don’t know how I am going to handle that many more days of this.
I want to scream it out.
I want to tell you.
But I can’t.
I don’t know why, but I can’t.
I know you’ll want to say
“So tell me what’s going on?” or “Explain your post” or “Want to talk?”
Please don’t.
You’ll only frustrate me more because I’ll frustrate myself.
You’ll only upset me more because I’ll upset myself.
I just need to type this.
I need to put it out there.
So that I can at least feel like I tried to scream.
I tried to scream…
Maybe I shouldn’t post this.
But that’s what I’ve been doing.
And it’s only making it worse.
So I am forcing myself to post this.
Not damaged goods.  Not damaged goods.  Not damaged goods.
It won’t stick.
I try to prove something to myself, but it only gets worse.
I want to push past, but it just keeps pulling me down.
I wish you could help me.
I want you to help me.
But you don’t know how to give me the help I need.
And if you try it will get worse.
God help me.

One thought on ““You” Is A General Audience

  1. Hi,
    I just wanted you to know that you commented on my blog on Band Back Together. You said that you didn’t have the strength to go to court, but I wanted to tell you that just because you didn’t go to court DOES NOT MEAN you are not strong! You are surviving every day, and don’t ever lose sight of that. Thankyou for inspiring me with your comment, I hope I can do the same

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