A Work in Progress…

Ok, so this is a song that I started working on about a month ago.  I wouldn’t say its done yet… The lyrics don’t flow as well as I would like them to.  Probably because I’m a little more emotionally removed from the situation right now than I was when I started writing this.  So whatever I’ve added recently isn’t as emotionally inspired as the rest is… but it is how it is.

The last time I wrote a song was 3 years ago.  I consider it my relationship with God written out in song.  It is a worship song.

*Disclaimer: I had a cold when this was recorded, so I really don’t like how I sound in this recording.

This song… this new song is a bit different.  It is still written addressed to God, but on a much more focused and intimate subject.  This song is about my struggle with having a mental disorder and the events that brought it about.   I’ve been writing down key thoughts over the past month of things I continually find myself thinking about this all, and a lot of those thoughts are written into this song.   It’s my attempt at showing how I process this all, how I sometimes perceive myself, how this affects my relationship with God, and how I need to remind myself of the goodness and steadfast faithfulness God shows me.

Part of me does not want to post it because I feel like the lyrics aren’t smoothed out yet, and because I don’t have a recording of the music with it… but I feel like there’s  an advantage to seeing this song in its raw stage with no melody accompanied with it to distract from the meaning of the words.

Also, I don’t have a title for it yet.  Two that I’m considering are “The Thorn In My Flesh” (or just “The Thorn”)  or “Waiting for You” (“to Show” possibly added on at the end).   I don’t know… Thoughts?  Ideas?  Suggestions?

So, take it or leave it.  It’s not something I love to discuss, or that I love about myself… but something I want to proactively work at not letting it tie me down.  I feel like the more I write it out, the more I think clearly about it and understand what bothers me specifically.

And if you’re going to read this, don’t skip over chorus 2 and 3 after you’ve read the first one, because each chorus is different.
Alright, *deep breath*…. Here is a public posting of a collaboration of words I put together that I’m not completely satisfied with and that communicate a very personal subject.   Here goes nothing.

All that I see is this darkness surrounding me.
Why can’t I just flea?  Why don’t I get the choice to be free?
Cause I don’t want to see myself in this way anymore.
You say you’re here but it feels like I’ve just been ignored.

Father save me.  Father raise me.  Be my healer in this war.
I am broken, and it’s showing.  Give me peace throughout my storm.
Cause I can’t take one more night, if you don’t help me in this fight.
I thought I had the strength to stand, but this isn’t what I planned.
God I’m waiting for you to show.

The thorn in my flesh, it’s a fear I can’t repress.
I need to get rest.  I need Your help to clean this mess.
Even now, I see my world through the lens of that day.
It’s changed my life.  I don’t know how to get away.

Father save me.  Father raise me.  Be my healer in this war.
I am broken, and it’s showing.  Give me peace throughout my storm.
I need rescue from my mind, so my life can be redefined.
Lord, I want to let it go.  I’m not the person I used to know.
God I’m waiting for you to show.

I can do all things through
You.  You make all things new.

Father save me.  Father raise me.  Be my healer in this war.
I am broken, and it’s showing.  Give me peace throughout my storm.
There’s no way to make this right.  I feel worthless in every light.
But this life is not my own, so I lay it at your throne.
God I’m waiting for you to show.

3 thoughts on “A Work in Progress…

  1. Hmmm… Just the words themselves sound really good, but not knowing what the rhythm would be it’s kinda hard to judge the flow.
    I kinda like the “Waiting for You” title options better

  2. Powerful….the lyrics resonate deep and give articulation to the struggle believers with mentall illness experience….this definitely something I would put in my arsenal of music to play on the bad days, in thelow moments when the intensity of what I feel is too much to take and I just want out….want relief…want healing. I would sing this as a battlecry….

  3. love the truths here…. they stand out as an strong anchor in this “storm”. And your willingness to be vulnerable in your journey and in your pain, gives others a voice. That takes courage (and skill). Looking forward to the musical portion coming alongside it. 🙂

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