Being a counseling major and taking a lot of psychology classes, I often run into a concept called “internal vows.” These are promises we make to ourselves or rules we live our lives by, often used as a coping mechanism or a way of protecting ourselves. So I wondered what kinds of vows I make to myself. I discovered that most of my “vows” were refusals. So I compiled them together into a list. I am not saying that all of these are healthy, I am not saying that I still live by all of these, and, of those I do live by, I am not saying I do a very good job of it either. Some of them are very old ones I have grown out of, some are very old ones I still stick by today, and some are very new.
-to stay put
-to not be heard
-to be a doormat
-to be seen as nagging
-to live like life is a formula
-to think I am not important
-to not take control of my life
-to let you see how you’ve hurt me
-to give you the chance to hurt me
-to sit in a cycle of problems I can fix
-to conform to what you want me to be
-to make foolish decisions in order to be “nice”
-to pick at the little problems I should let go of
-to let my anger control my tongue… ˅ or if it does ˅
-to be immature by plastering the internet with my emotions.
(There are SO many blog drafts I’ve deleted because of this rule)
-to EVER have anyone hear me verbally disrespecting my parents
-to make guarantees or ultimate refusals that you can hold against me
-to be sucked into a situation where I am stuck feeling like I’m not myself
-to not step up to a role I have the capability, resources, and desire to fill
-to be an unnecessary problem, annoyance, or hindrance to someone else
-to be disappointed in ways I’ve been before and should have learned from
(yes, I had to structure it into a pyramid… haha) These are just the ones I could think of off the top of my head, so I know I left some out, but it was interesting to see what makes me tick the way I do. I wonder what kinds of effects these vows have had on my life… or why some rules could cause me to break another, and yet I choose to follow both. It’s just all around interesting.