Just a matter of days ago, I was contemplating this vague idea of eventually going to live with my future husband sometime this spring… and tonight, I am spending my last night under my parent’s roof. It’s crazy thinking how much has changed so quickly, but what’s even crazier is knowing that starting tomorrow… My concept of “home” is going to change in a way that no amount of “moving” has ever prepared me for. On one hand I have my fiance who tells me daily that he is excited for this next venture in our lives together. And on the other hand, I have my little brothers who have cried every night this week when I’ve tucked them in.
I am looking forward to this move, as unexpected as it is. But truth be told, my brothers are not the only ones tearing up tonight. I am sitting in a big, empty room… devoid of all my things… Listening to “Goodnight Sweetheart” by The Spaniels. This was my dad’s lullaby to us as kids. And now, I’m about to close my eyes, say “goodnight”, and then tomorrow it will be “time to go”.
Where did time go? I keep asking myself, “Did I ever envision my life like this?” Did I ever think, when I was in elementary school studying the states, that I would live in Pennsylvania one day? Did I ever consider, when dreaming up my future husband as a young girl, what it would be like to build a relationship with his family? To live closer to them than to my own family? Did it ever cross my mind in high school when I was making big plans for my future that there would be a time in my life that I wouldn’t live at my parents place, or at school, or with my husband, or with anyone else? That for a few months out of my life I would be coming home from work to an empty house? I mean, heck when I was in high school… I thought I was going to be on broadway and I would learn arabic and be fluent in spanish and that I would become a high school teacher. A degree in Bible? My resume is “Security” and “Event Planning”? And I don’t know a lick of arabic.
When I transferred to Cairn at 18 years old, I remember thinking and telling a friend “Any guy I could possibly meet at this school would just be this put together Christian who wears khakis and a polo shirt on a daily basis.” And I am marrying a type A wonderful servant of God who truly does wear khakis and a polo shirt nearly every day (for work!) God totally made me eat my words.
I know God is good. And I am amazed at how much He blessed Joe and I this week. Just blown away. But now that I have this moment to be still and reflect, it’s a wonder I’m still holding on to this roller coaster. I am not a fast person. I like to take my time. Consider my options. Get trusted opinions. Gather research. And in a matter of days I have had a job offer practically land on my lap and have packed up my life to move to another state. Just like that. Even in His blessings, God has tested me. I will have faith. I will trust His goodness.
It’s over. It’s the end of an era. I will say good bye to my family tomorrow. I will spend the next 3 months preparing a place to call “home” for my husband and me. And from the moment I wake up tomorrow, my life will never be the same again.