He asked me what I was going to do this weekend. I said I might write. He asked me what I was going to write. I told him I didn’t know. There’s something about writing, that sometimes you just never know what it’s going to be or where it will take you. And I’m not sure if I know what it is even now. The irony that he would be my muse after our conversation and on the first thing I’ve written in months…
He’s an unwritable song
Nothing my fingertips could play
Nothing my lips could sing
Nothing my mind could pen
None of it would fit him.
It just wouldn’t.
Not because he’s “too good” or “perfect” or “indescribable”
I just don’t posses the skill to capture his essence rightly.
It wouldn’t be done right.
He fascinates me.
His will, his mind, his strength
He is fascinating.
And he is beautiful.
His face, his desires, his soul.
All so beautiful.
He’s proven to me that God uses us to show each other His love.
That even though I’m not perfect, there’s someone willing to work through it all with me.
That the best kisses can be the still, soft ones.
There is nothing like the warmth that fills my heart when I see him smile at me.
Or the many smiles I can’t contain every time he does those little things that make him, him.
I used to think love left you with a hunger and an ache within yourself for someone else.
Or that it was this elation or joy that bubbled out from your core.
That love was an experience… or a story.
Maybe those are a product of love… a result… symptoms, if you will.
Maybe I don’t even know.
But I do know this.
I love him.
And that love is happening now. It is active. It is constant. It is here.
It’s voluntary and involuntary all at the same time.
I just want to hold his hand,
When he is endearing, as a way to show him affection
When he is broken, to console him
When he is sure, to support him
When he is confused, to support him then too
When he is an ass, to remind myself of all the above
And when he is just who he is, to say “I want to be a part of this forever.”
He is worth more than I could give him.
He is amazing.
He is better to and for me than I even had the courage to pray for.
God, keep my lips holy, my heart faithful, and my intentions pure.
Use me to show him your love, goodness, and peace
And guide us to you together.